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The Indigenous people of the Pacific Pacific Humor Jokes about Pacific Islanders by Pacific Islanders |
| Juan: Che'lu, what is another word for Nightmare?? Ben: "W I F E"." " Submitted 11-March-2008 by: Bill Iglesias, Honolulu, Hawaii |
| A Hawaiian man was having his breakfast, the usual...coffee, spam, fried rice and Portuguese sausage, at Jack's Inn in Kahului. A Haole man chewing gum came in and sat next to him and ordered coffee. The Hawaiian ignored the Haole who nevertheless started a conversation. HAOLE: You Hawaiian folks eat the spam? HAWAIIAN: Yah. HAOLE (after blowing a huge bubble): We don't! In America, we eat ham and toast for breakfast and then we put all the leftovers in containers and recycle them and transform them into spicy spam and sell them in Hawaii - the HAOLE had a smirk on his face. The HAWAIIAN remained silent. The HAOLE persisted: Do you eat the Portuguese sausage? HAWAIIAN (now in a bad mood): Yah. HAOLE (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling: We don't! In America, we eat bacon and port sausage for breakfast and then we put all the kinds, rinds, and fats in containers and recycle them, transform them into Portuguese sausage and sell them in Hawaii. The HAWAIIAN (no longer in a bad mood) asked: Do you have sex in America? HAOLE (with a big smirk): Why, of course we do. HAWAIIAN: And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them? HAOLE: We throw them away, of course. HAWAIIAN: We don't! You see, in Hawaii, we put them in a container, recycle them and melt them into chewing gum and sell them in America. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! " " Submitted 22-February-2008 by: Sean Winkler, Wailuku, Maui |
| A Chamori man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only Chamori man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him. The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The Chamori man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen here broddah - when I was born, I was BROWN," When I grew up, I was BROWN, When I'm sick, I'm BROWN, When I'm cold, I'm BROWN, When I die, I'll be BROWN." But you broddah are something different... "When you're born, you're PINK, When you grow up, you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun, you turn RED, When you're cold, you turn BLUE, And when you die, you turn PURPLE." AND YOU HAVE THE FRIGGIN NERVE TO CALL ME COLORED?" "I'M PROUD TO BE CHAMORI!!!!!"" " Submitted 21-February-2008 by: Chilang Delgado, Sinajana, Guahan |
| Two Chamori women are walking down the street. One notices A compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second says, "Here, let me see!" So the first Chod hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"" " Submitted 04-February-2008 by: Denise Cordeiro, Kahului, Maui |
| Choddie Chod Naputi had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the Guam Police Officer arrived. "My God!" the Officer gasped. Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. "Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes, officer, I'm just fine" Choddie chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" she began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...." "Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."" " Submitted 01-February-2008 by: James Nantin, Kahului, Maui |
| "The Three Local Dudes were at the Micronesian Mall doing some last minute Christmas shopping. Lolo the Chamorro said, "Ai ga'chong. Tomorrow is my wife's birthday and I don't know what to get for her." Mori the Chamori responded, "Ombre Che'lu, buy her some earings. Women love earings." Lolo the Chamorro agreed. Toru the Chamoru volunteered, "Fahani si Male' roses. One dozen roses to signify being married to her for 12 long years. She would love that." Lolo the Chamorro replied, "Magahet hao ga'chong" So they stopped in at the nearest flower shop. Lolo the Chamorro approached the clerk at the desk and ordered 11 each long stem roses. Then he told her to add a single rose from the immitation ones on table. "This will make it 12 and I will include a nice little card." He added. That night, he came home and presented his gift to his wife. She was teary eyed and sentimental until she read the card. It said.....Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Mangge' Si Madonna, Lao Mangge' hao Che'lu. Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, My love is forever, Maskeseha yo' una' Biudu." " Submitted 14-November-2007 by: Julia Salas, Tamuning, Guahan |
| "I remember 30 years ago when I first came to Guam as a young Airman. The first six months, I spent entirely on-base because I was told that the locals were crazy. I went from the barracks to the mess hall to the barracks to my duty office and back to the barracks. And then one Saturday night I met my wife at the EM Club. Man! Come Monday morning....I went straight to the Credit Union and bought myself a new car. One year later, I re-enlisted and begged the Air Force to Let Me Stay. Why? Cause I now owned a piece of the Rock. " Submitted 12-November-2007 by: Allen Kapa'a, Kalihi, Hawaii |
| "Raymond wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office.....but she was dating someone else. One day, Raymond got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you $100.00 if you would let me have sex with you!" The girl looked at him and said, "No!" Raymond replied, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and...I'll be finish by the time you pick it up." She thought a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend. She called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend responded, "Ask him for $200.00 and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down." She agreed and accepts the proposal. 30-minutes goes by and the boyfriend anxiously waited for her call. Finaly after an hour's time, the boyfriend calls and ask, "What happened?" Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The frikkin bastard had all quarters!" " Submitted 22-August-2007 by: Kaipo Kruz, Kaneohe, Hawaii |
| "This Haolie gentleman walked into a Samoan Liquor store to buy a pack of cigarettes and a beer. While at the counter, he noticed a box of bubble gum with large "PK" stamped on each one. Politely he asked the clerk why the gums had a huge "PK" stamped on them. The clerk shook his head and replied, "Dumb Houlie, PK stands for "Pubble Kum"" Submitted 01-May-2007 by: Eric Orinion, Kailua, Hawaii |
| "There were four men. There was a Chamori, a Japanese, an American, and a Chinese man. They were all in a hot tub when the American guy started ringing. He pressed his arm and said "hello?". His conversation ended, and he was bragging that he had the highest technology. Then the Japanese man was checking his email on his calculator. "Oh..yes..we are better than American technology..." The Chinese man said,"Oh yeah? In my country, we listen to music from a microchip in our head. I'm better than all of you." The Chamori guy was very embarrassed. So he went to the stall near the hot tub to take a crap. When he got out he had toilet tissue sticking out of his ass. All the men said," Hey! What the hell is that?" The Chamori guy said," Oh shoot! I'm receiving a FAX!!!" Submitted 11-April-2007 by: Tori, Susupe, Saipan |
| "Francisco: Hey Che'lu. The Ms. Black America Pageant has been changed to a new format. Juan: Really? How so? Francisco: They went from 50-states to 49. Juan: Why is that? Francisco: Cause no one wanted to wear the "I DA HO" shash." Submitted 07-April-2007 by: Phillip Cruz, Barrigada, Guam |
| "At the Hawaiian Emersion School in Waiakamilo, the teacher Mrs Kamaka wanted to know how well the students were learning their English. Using the chalk, she wrote the word "speaker" on the blackboard and said, "The word of the day is Speaker. Can anyone use Speaker in a sentence?" A few students raised their hands but Mrs Kamaka wanted to hear from some of the silent students. She pointed to a shy Samoan boy and said, "Fitu. Can you use Speaker in a sentence?" The boy was caught off-guard but went ahead and volunteered. "I don't know Mrs. Kamaka but I will try." He stood up and looked around. Finally after a few minutes of silence, he quibbed. "When I wake up in the morning, I go to da bathroom. I look in da mirror while I flex my muscle. I see dat my right muscle is speaker dan my left muscle." " Submitted 25-March-2007 by: Jonas Camacho, Laie, Hawaii |
| "If a Hawaiian Fairy is called a MAHOO and a Samoan sissy is called a FAFAINGE', what the heck do you call a Tongan Fagot???" " Submitted 25-March-2007 by: Jonas Camacho, Laie, Hawaii |
| "What do you call a Samoan who fell off a couch? I don't know. What? Falloffasofa." Submitted 10-March-2007 by: Kofi Samuel, Pago Pago, Samoa |
| "A huge redneck walks in to Bob's Whispering Palms in Hagatna and sat at the end of the bar. A large contingency of locals, loud and drunk were at the corner playing pool. The redneck ordered himself a double shot of tequila which he downed in a second. He shouted out, "Ooooooey! That was mighty fine!" Next he ordered a double shot of Jim Bean which he downed before the bartender turned away. He grimaced and shouted, "Oooooey! That was sooooo very fine!" The Filipino bartender asked if he needed another and he said, "Yeah! Give me a double shot of Wild Turkey but before you do I'd like to tell you a funny Chamori joke." The bartender looked around and whispered, "Is is very funny?" The redneck said, "Hell yeah! But very, vary nasty!" The bartender leaned over again and whispered, "I should remind you that those dudes over there are locals, the big fellow at the other end of the bar is Chamori and the four waitresses we have are islanders, too. I'd be very careful what I'd say in here." The redneck looked at him and said, "Hell Partner! Never mind then. I don't want to explain it that many times."" Submitted 23-September-2006 by: Benny Reyes, Aiea, Hawaii |
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| Summit your Joke here |
| Did you know the tcharmorros invented the email system since ever since. Chamorri mother: "Juan, tchek fan e mail" .heheh Submitted 5-February -2009 by: OOG, Earff-Guam |